Getting back on....

Saturday, I got one of the best Christmas presents ever. I have been having great difficulties with Oliver. I think Michael would really like to see him gone and I have put him on the market. However, since making that decision before thanksgiving, I have not really felt in balance. Anyway, then here comes Christmas and I got so sick with a cold that turned into sinusitis and bronchitis/pneumonia. Wham!!! That put me straight out on my back to kind of stew in my own stuff for several days. Michael was in Baltimore with his mom and brother, I felt like poop, physically, but also feeling really off in my heart and my soul. I started reading a book called Way of the Horse. That book came with a deck of cards. I was reading and having a pity party and getting very angry at myself--for not feeling well, for missing Christmas with family, and then worried about Mikey and his tummy ache. Bad Bad Bad---
So, on Saturdy was kind of feeling a bit better in the morning and so was Michael. Good! I did some house work and then decided to visit the barn--but not without some major preparations in my heart and soul. I went into our little meditation room and let myself just get still by focusing on my breathing and by trying to shut up my brain. Then I opened up the Way of the Horse and asked the book, higher power, God, horse wisdom, my mother, my higher self, and even Oliver, for some help. I shuffled the deck and pulled out card number 9---It is the image of a beautiful horse with ears and eyes up in the alert position. The 9 card says--The Language of the Breath and speaks to the ability for horses and people to speak beyond words. We speak with our energy, our hearts, our bodies--sociosensual awareness, heart intelligence, nonverbal communication. ( I kind of think that I am pretty good at this when I am directing or teaching--with a horse, it is a whole nother ballgame!)
To make a long story short---I sat and did some deep breathing and admitted to myself that I was still afraid of Oliver. I also went over all the details of the day I flew off of him at 30mph. The entire area that day was hectic. My teacher had already had a busy day.
I came to the lesson after not having ridden in quite some time and was very anxious about my lesson. I was nervous, my adrenaline was pumping and I was very aware of all the other horses in the arena including the fact that one person earlier that day had fallen off. The arena had it's own energy that was a bit wild. The other folks riding were racing around at the canter, one person was going at the trot, and one was taking some pretty big jumps with her horse. It was loud. Poor Oliver, no wonder he spooked and then spooked again. Yes, it was mighty frightening in the moment, poor Ollie, poor me.
After reading some of my books I became more aware of how the environment, the energy and the feelings in a space can influence a horse as well as the rider.
For me--this was the greatest lesson.
I went to the barn Saturday after sitting in silence and prayer. The barn was quiet. I brought lots of carrots for Ollie and his two pasture mates Old Tex and Timbre (his girlfriend). I called the horses to the gate, Tex was first as always with nuzzling and little nickers, then Timbre--hungry and happy for carrots. Ollie was hanging back at the hay pile, but when I called his name he come over to me and nuzzled my hand looking for carrots. I gave him some and then gently asked the other horses to back up so that I could bring Ollie in. They were all perfect.
All the while I kept thinking about that number 9 card--breathing, that Ollie and the other horses, because they are prey animals are very sensitive to perceptions that we are just not aware of of. I looked at Oliver and in my mind I told him how much I loved him and Tex and Timber.
Ollie came in with my calmly. I walked with him around the arena slowly trying to breath with him. We changed direction, I kept an eye on his ears and eyes. I patted him to feel if his body was tense. He let out a big chortle through his nose. I let out a sigh.
Then along came a friend, Kimmy. She is an accomplished rider and quite quiet and calm. That is when I decided I would ride Oliver. There would be ease in the arena. Kimmy's horse Lizzie is a great gal--strong, stoic, sound, and quiet.
I put Ollie in the cross ties, gave hims carrots, and began to groom him. He was fine. He looked at me with a white eye when I went to put the saddle pad on his back, so I stopped every thing and just stood with him, breathing. I put the rest of his tack on him--he remained quiet and gentlemanly in the ties. We went calmly into the arena, where Kim and Liz were at work--walk, trot, canter and changes. I told Kim and Oliver that this was a quiet time to just walk and trot. A gentle time in the arena. Oliver stood perfectly as I mounted him. We then had a wonderful 45 minute ride--walk, trot, patterns of figure eights, serpentines, zig zags, going both ways of the arena.
Then, while still thinking about my breath and his state of being and knowing that anything I am feeling goes right through my body into his body and awareness, I tipped his head, gave a nudge with my outside leg and quietly said, "Canter.". We rode with the wind for just a few minutes. He was a good boy.
This was the best Christmas present ever. Oliver is a beautiful boy, a great horse. I am ever thankful to my brother-in-law for the wonderful books he has given me--they have helped me to get back on the path that brings me great joy and balance to my life. Thank you thank you thank you!
Love and blessings to all
Be well and blessed be
Terry
ps---please give my love to MOM!!! She's the best!